Finally...

All they said was that the successful applicants would be notified the week of May 18. Not how, or when. So Monday goes by, Tuesday, Wednesday...by Thursday negativity and doubt had settled upon me like a 300lb weight. I didn't sleep that night. On Friday morning I tried not to watch for the mailman, fearful of seeing him empty handed. Even worse, I didn't hear him come by.

As I left for work at one, I thought I had better check the box, just in case. Tears had pre-welled up in my eyes, believing the worst.

And there it fcuking was. A big white envelope. I, of course burst into tears of excitement.

I was accepted into the Illustration/Design program at Capilano University!
I have achieved one major step towards my dream. Now...I better get back to work.

Enter Stage 2

I spent a full 8 hours pouring over all my old sketchbooks, paintings, and art projects. I sweated and I fretted, but I got it done and submitted my portfolio early. Last week I received a phone call inviting me to the interview and testing day next week. This means I successfully made into the second stage of the process!

They get about 120-150 portfolios for the program every year, and from those they select 50 to be interviewed. And from that 50, thirty students are selected for the first year class. Based on those odds, my chances are still quite good, but I'm not going to celebrate just yet. I'm trying to focus on the 'Laws of Attraction' based on The Secret. Though I find the book almost silly and over-simplified...I figured I don't have much to lose by trying it...though if I'm accepted I hope it's based my talent and skill; not my 'willing and wishing' it into existance.

In other news, Ryan and I are starting a foster-to-adopt program for a beautiful young adult pit-bull next weekend! His name is Bronte, and he's 5-6 years old. Probably the sweetest dog ever.


Just cause I want to show him off, here's a photo I stole off his adoption webpage. I've become quite passionate over this last while about the issue of adopted vs pet store/backyard breeders, as well as the discrimination against pit-bulls. I wish I could take care of every lonely little furball out there. I'm sure that once we buy a house (with yard), I'm going to be the foster mumma of all time.

Later days...

Man, I am not as good at blogging as I used to be. I think that I've wasted so much energy on trying to think up clever facebook status' that I have killed my creativing writing skills. I recently remembered my first and original online blog...before the days of livejournal and xanga. I went and searched for it, and not to my surprise, they had deleted it. But, alas, all I had to do was reactivate the account, and there it all is. I guess it's true that you can never get rid of anything on the internet anymore. From 2002-2005 I poured my little heart out to a small group of readers. If you're bored and feel like checking out some pretty sweet teenage angst, check'r out.

http://vitriolic.deadjournal.com/

My tree and earth painting sold last week in a Cadet fundraiser auction! I wasn't able to make it, but I heard the young lady who won it was really happy. Mmmm it feels me with warm fuzzies.

I just finished this painting over Easter while I was visiting my family. We had a fun family auction, and my aunt scooped it up. Here it is...

Daisy in the Rough
16x20 acrylic on canvas.

In other news...I bring my portfolio into Capilano University this weekend. I'm actually quite excited to have it all put together and submitted. These past few months of stressing, creating, worrying and lack of sleep..I just can't wait for it all to be in there. Then I can relax, and know that I did everything I could, submitted my best. I feel more confident in my portfolio then what I originally felt at the beginning. Everyone think a few positive thoughts for me to get accepted!

Some things of late...

I retouched to give it more vibrant colours and depth. I wanted to try and make the fish look more like it was sucking in the city. I didn't accomplish everything I was trying for, but I really the outcome.




LOOK! Heather got the tattoo done!! Someone was actually brave enough to have my work on them forever! Haha, but actually I really like how it turned out...I'm tempted to take up a career in tattooing if art school falls through.

Anyways, that's all for now. I'm sorry I've been lacking in the posts...buuut keep an eye out, I've got a painting in the works! And I'm going to cram more life drawing in as the portfolio admission deadlines get closer.

Chicken

Capilano University had a open media-presentation day, including portfolio reviews for their Illustration Design program. I had, of course, planned for this day. I got together all my best work and tried to mentally un-psych myself out. We went. I sat. And sat. And sat.

The room was hot. The amount of people in the room x their artistic talent -my self confidence + one single open window = Sam shrinking further into the corner. After watching a couple of portfolios of 'strongly encouraged' and ' I don't have any recommendations for improvement' my stomach had wrung itself into a Celtic knot. My eyes were watering at the mere thought of putting my drawings in front of everyone to look at. To judge, to criticize, to mock.

So. I choked.

I asked Ryan if we could go, and so we went with my tail between my legs.
But, it wasn't without a lesson, or at a loss. The uber-amazing (they don't need further education) portfolios showed me what I needed. The variety of media, the perseverance, the passion, and the dedication all were what was lacking in my pages. I still have some time. No, it's not a lot, just a month and a bit. But I want this. I need this. So this, I will do.

Art show.

Our pieces were accepted into the art show at the Mission Arts Centre.
They're for sale and sitting in a little gallery. Woo hoot.

I feel proud that it was accepted, that a piece of my work is up on a wall where people are looking at it.....but at the same time, it disappoints me and I'm embarrassed by it.

I don't like that this is the first impression of my work in the art community here. It's not that I feel it is bad and that I'm a 'bad artist'. With all the pressure of time constraints and challenges, it isn't anything near what I had in mind for the idea. I feel that it lacks any creative originality or artistic emotion. It's nice yes, the basic idea is portrayed...but all the emotion and feeling behind why I drew the original sketch is lost in the typical colours, lighting. It's simple. Basic. Empty.

I just wanted to do so much more.



Ps. Ryan is so amazingly talented. He just started drawing again after 14 or so years in May. Now look at him! He just got his first portrait commission. I'm so happy for him. It motivates me to get myself going if I'm ever going to make something happen with art.

sixteen

They caught the killer of my cousin and charged him with second degree murder.
Rather then feeling celebratory in the success of the justice system, I feel sick.

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/calgary/story/2009/01/09/chiasson-charges.html


The fucking kid was sixteen years old. Six-fucking-teen.

A kid killing kids.